There is no doubt that this is not an easy journey at the moment. However, I realize that I have two choices in the face of my fear. First, I can strengthen myself and learn to overcome my challenges. Or, I can turn around and run to safety. There is nothing wrong with either strategy. Both can make me stronger. It almost seems like a stylistic preference from an intellectual viewpoint. But I have to think there is an intangible and as-yet unknown to me benefit from the “strengthen and overcome” approach.
I realize that much of my life has been avoiding really living. Drugs in my early years, religion, even college to some extent were all ways of hiding in the ways of others to discover the “real truth” about life. I never had the confidence to truly strike out on my own path, and so I figured out a very safe and good route. Good old engineering to the rescue! I highly recommend it! Profitable and secure. It has been very useful to me.
But now there is a glimmer of a possibility I can see winking at me in an unfamiliar distance. It’s not easy to see through the fog of war as I slog it out with my demons. Maybe it’s just swamp gas churned up by a fertile imagination, but there is something in me that sees a beautiful treasure in this journey and I intend to play out my hand. I’m determined not to turn and run. Instead, I’m going to explore and I’ll report back what I find, I promise. 🙂
Luckily, I’m well equipped for the journey and once I find my stride, this might even get really easy and fun. I sure hope so!